It’s been a while since I wrote like this to you. Usually, I write to our future self in our journal. Today, I write to you, the present self.
You the present self find yourself adrift. You find yourself hazily floating on the dead sea of time, going from day to day doing what is necessary in the moment. You’ve overcome of your biggest latent fears and now nothing seems important anymore.
And that’s okay. It’s okay that you’re adrift on dispassion. It’s okay if you have nothing driving you from day to day. That part of you will come back. One day, when you’re not ready for it, a lightning bolt will strike you and you will find yourself gripped by passion, overcome by it, entreated to it.
But until then, allow yourself to exist.
You are not your passions. You are not your emotions. And you are certainly not your success. You are you, whatever that may be. You are allowed to simply exist.
But you aren’t just existing.
You’re doing everything that is asked of you, and more. After 3 months of illness and recovery, you have returned to fitness with a vengeance and are already feeling the benefits of it. You don’t fear soreness and pain, you welcome it. It feels sweet. You poke sore spots just so you can feel the sweet pain.
Blinded in the mist of directionless uncertainty, you find it in you to take steps in every direction. You trust yourself to be safe even though you cannot know for sure. Bravery is a strong word, but maybe you are being brave.
Trust yourself like I trust you. It’s okay that you are adrift now, because I know you will swim to port. The sky above it looks pretty clear.